Someone once said to me:
“Imagine that you have a child.
Now, this child
Isn’t just any child;
This child is an exact copy of you.
Identical to you.
Tell me something,
Would you love this child?”
Why do you not love yourself?”
God, listen to this crap.
That’s the easy stuff, right?
Why must it be such a challenge?
To love myself?
Do I want
To stay in this pit forever?
Such a cliché.
More like a burning void.
Where worthlessness never ends.
I mean, why do you even bother?
Why do you apologise for your existence?
When you would never ask another to do the same?
It’s easier to make that joke, you see.
You know, the self-depreciating one?
Than to accept that you are flawed.
I used to think it was worth setting yourself on fire to save everyone who needed saving.
But you just wind up with a crispy heart.
Burnt. Black. Empty.
Love for this world has to start from within.
But what happens when you’ve left yourself with nothing within?
This isn’t original or relatable.
I did it again.
You, being me, that is.
It’s always when I’m feeling good, you see?
I’ve always got to find a way to bring myself back to reality.
~Insert relevant Eminem lyric here!!!~
No one is going to read this shit.
See if you believe the façade then I’ll never be hurt.
I’ll wear that disguise.
Any one that you like!
I’ll wear it!
As long as I don’t have to reveal anything
Because that would obviously be bad, right?
You’re not funny and no one gives a fuck about you and your worthless life.
I’m getting side-tracked.
With that… unpleasant stuff.
This child –
Myself as my own child.
Everything in me that I despise feels like another reason to love this child!
Everything this being creates/says/does/emanates is magical.
Worth every inch of respect that I give to those around me.
Has a presence that fills others with joy.
Is more important than anything else in this world.
That’s not right.
That can’t make sense.
You know that saying that goes:
‘In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.’
Well, it’s not just that
It’s a fight every day.
One worth fighting.
It often feels like you can never win.
You can win your own heart.
You can love yourself in ways you never knew.
I know my entire existence is important
And I can look at my child
I can look at myself and think,
“You are more important than you ever knew.”